Kickbacks
NOBBY PILES
Manchester City have just forked out an estimated 19m on a Brazilian striker called Jo. One could be forgiven for asking "Jo who?" Well, it's Joao Alves de Assis Silva - so now you know.
It's a pity City didn't also sign up Fred, also known as Frederico Chaves Guedes, currently with French club Olympique Lyon. Fred and Jo could become a great double act.
There's another Fred, who began life as Helbert Frederico Carreiro da Silva, playing for DC United in the States. If he joined City they could have a forward line of Freds.
At least the abbreviated names make life easier for the television commentators. Just imagine our Thai pundits battling with those full Brazilian names.
While they are at it, perhaps City should go the whole hog and sign up players Roger and Alan who also ply their footballing trade in Europe. There's probably a Tom, Dick and Harry out there somewhere too. We could have a whole Premiership first XI without a surname.
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| Manchester City's new signing goes by the name of Jo. — AFP |
One of my favourite footballing names was an English fellow with the splendid moniker of Harry Daft. He was a left-winger for Notts County in the 1890s and won five caps for England, even captaining them once. One wonders if there were any "England Name Daft Captain" headlines at the time.
In the same era there was a fellow called Segar Bastard, who played just once for England and also refereed the 1878 FA Cup Final. In those days it was accepted that players could also be referees at the same time. The crowd could happily sing "the referee's a bastard" without upsetting anybody. He was also believed to be the first well-known footballer to own a racehorse.
We must not forget the England winger who played against Scotland in 1877 with the distinguished name Cecil Vernon Wingfield-Stratford. Anyone with a name like that would get an earful these days.
In more recent times, someone who was certainly aptly named was Martyn Booty who played for a number of teams including 64 matches for Reading between 1996-99.
Another name that might scare off a few wingers is the current Gillingham fullback, John Nutter. However he will have to go a long way to outdo former Argentinian star Daniel Killer. I read somewhere of an English player with the thought-provoking name of Peter Trousers, but could not pin down which club he played for.
In the late 1990s West Ham had a player called Julian Dicks, a name that brightened up the day of many headline writers. He was bit of a hardman and manager Harry Redknapp even called him "the most disruptive footballer I've worked with." Attempts to keep the player under control led to this splendid headline in The Times: "West Ham Debate What They Can Do To Change Dicks."
In Scotland there's a striker called Danny Diver, a slightly unfortunate name for a footballer, and whenever he falls over it prompts a predictable reaction from the crowd.
We must not forget Australia's contribution to memorable names, with the legendary goalkeeper Norman Conquest who played for a number of New South Wales teams in the 1940s and 50s. You can just imagine Mr and Mrs Conquest sitting there with a mischievous twinkle in their eyes saying "now what shall we call our son?"
However young Conquest did not always live up to his name. Playing in goal for Australia against an England representative side in Sydney in 1951 his team went down 17-0. Norman wasn't entirely to blame, however. The Aussie players complained about a "muddy pitch".
Another goalkeeper whose name always amuses me is Chelsea's back-up keeper Hilario. I don't know why, but the name doesn't exactly seem right for a goalkeeper. You just imagine he is going to do something rather silly.
Someone I'm hoping to see in action soon is the Seychelles star Johnny Moustache who sounds like the title of a 1960s spaghetti western.
You have to thank Africa for the really outstanding names. There was a Nigerian international who played for Leyton Orient in the 1980s called Tunji Banjo. He was quite a useful player and I hasten to add was not the source of the footballing expression "couldn't hit a cow's backside with a banjo".
Then there's the Ghana star Junior Agogo who, with a name like that, you would think should be playing in Bangkok for Patpong Rovers, but he has somehow ended up in Egypt.
We must not forget the Cameroon star Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse who was quite a prolific scorer when he was with the Belgian club Charleroi from 1993-96. But by the end of his career he unfortunately began to live up to his name.
Someone who must not be overlooked is former Ghana star Prince Opoku Bismark Polley Sampene, better known as Prince Polley. Trivia buffs might be interested to learn that one of his fans was the late Nirvana singer Kurt Cobain, who dedicated his song Polly to the player.
Another player who has quite a name to live up to is a lad from the DR Congo called Bongo Christ.
Zimbabwe is a rich source of names where there's a gentleman called Have-A-Look Dube currently playing for Njube Sundowns.
However my favourite is striker Danger Fourpence. How many millions would Manchester City fork out on him?
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